Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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