I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
