Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
