the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
