omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
