I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
