Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
