"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
