im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize