Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm jealous of your bromance
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
