The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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