my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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