Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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