Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you would pick up someone in the library
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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