Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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