im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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