i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
