i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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