I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
