Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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