New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
