Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
