why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
