But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
