I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
