I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
