I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
