..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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