I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
