Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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