So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
