I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
