distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize