Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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