I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
