I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
