Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
