Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
