You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
