not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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