"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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