Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
