yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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