And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
