See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
