This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no