accomplished twins. life is a go
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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