Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(925): View more from California

Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead

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(940): View more from Texas

That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone

Fav 3 957 2006
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(614): View more from Ohio

this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had

Fav 7 6349 904
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(585): View more from New York

Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.

Fav 12 8189 1194
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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(716): View more from New York

my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?

Fav 18 6489 1687
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(317): View more from Indiana

We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt

Fav 12 3426 1110
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(253): View more from Washington

I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips

Fav 4 1852 960
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(509): View more from Washington

I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.

Fav 4 1682 752
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(308): View more from Nebraska

You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.

Fav 0 548 247
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