Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.

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  (313): Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch. http://tfl.nu/eota
  Replies (14) Good night (853) Bad night (3260)
• Favorite

  (925): View more from California

  remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight

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  (925): remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight http://tfl.nu/zwys
  Replies (18) Good night (878) Bad night (3776)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest

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  (937): the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest http://tfl.nu/2mrs
  Replies (37) Good night (5402) Bad night (1063)
• Favorite

  (805): View more from California

  woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."

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  (805): woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream." http://tfl.nu/w9nn
  Replies (11) Good night (4550) Bad night (1039)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.

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  (660): i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again. http://tfl.nu/1pik
  Replies (17) Good night (835) Bad night (4414)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again

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  (865): I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out... (615): Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again http://tfl.nu/gvsb
  Replies (15) Good night (1755) Bad night (4172)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.

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  (402): You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement. http://tfl.nu/xw5k
  Replies (14) Good night (4510) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy

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  (443): We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy http://tfl.nu/feuw
  Replies (14) Good night (2014) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking

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  (626): The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking http://tfl.nu/7x03
  Replies (12) Good night (1510) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.

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  (706): Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed. http://tfl.nu/1l89
  Replies (5) Good night (1167) Bad night (384)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.

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  (586): The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/pfab
  Replies (2) Good night (323) Bad night (652)
• Favorite

  (773): View more from Illinois

  The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.

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  (773): The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group. http://tfl.nu/wtka
  Replies (2) Good night (859) Bad night (313)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising

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  (248): Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising http://tfl.nu/k4n8
  Replies (3) Good night (564) Bad night (409)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"

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  (412): So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through" http://tfl.nu/qtp1
  Replies (3) Good night (588) Bad night (153)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I am sorry. I am also on acid.

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  (678): I am sorry. I am also on acid. http://tfl.nu/9m14
  Replies (0) Good night (489) Bad night (176)

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