apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight