I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
