the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
