you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
