Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
