So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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