Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
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In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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