to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
