Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dick very happy bro
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
