haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
