Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
True strength comes from lack of pants
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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