Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
