Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
