my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
