Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
