so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
