I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
