oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
