So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
