she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
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Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
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I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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