if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
