it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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