I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
