Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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