Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
