At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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