I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
