Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
