bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
