thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
