I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
