He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
